This morning I was scheduled to do the 'morning shift' with our young boys, whilst my husband did the 'night shift', which had him up a couple of times. This means he can sleep in a little, whilst I was up with the birds. I was in a deep sleep before our youngest woke up and my husband woke me to tell me it was shift changeover time. I lurched out of bed lest the youngest wake the eldest and, in my haste, left our bedroom door open and the youngest's door open. I left it open for about 15 minutes (so my husband tells me ;-) and then sat everyone down for breakfast, with, you guessed it, the hallway door open. There are more details to be told here, that show that I am in fact not great at shutting doors to manage noise, but i'm pretty sure you have the hang of this shortcoming of mine.
The most interesting part of this story is historically how defensive I become when my husband tries to talk to me about what I need to learn. It's just a door (or 7), but I have had trouble taking on this feedback. Even as I type this I feel ridiculous. I think I, like most of us, just don't like to get it wrong.
So what do you do if you have someone who is resistant to feedback?
- Provide sufficient examples to support your feedback
- Gauge the other person’s reasons for resistance
- Ask the recipient to reflect on the feedback and end the discussion if they are being pointlessly resistant
- Candidly and constructively discuss consequences if feedback is not addressed
And here is what not to do.....
- Get angry or frustrated at their reaction
- Soften your feedback to alleviate their response
- Attack the other person’s personality based on their reaction
Today I was able to say, "I'm really sorry. It sucks that I didn't shut the doors this morning and therefore you can't catch up on your sleep. How can I make it up to you?" It felt a lot better than the resistance dance that I have done in the past. Even though it was minor in the scheme of life, it felt better to just say 'yeah, I sucked at that, and it had an impact on you. I'm so sorry'.
Is anyone resistant to feedback in your house?