Have you ever scrolled through social media pages and seen a couple around your age and stage, who are laughing and having fun? Then have you thought to yourself ‘that’s not what my marriage feels like anymore’. And you remember that it used to feel like a place of love and support. Where you could go to rest and recover. Where you felt completely accepted and valued. And now, well it’s not the worst, you’re doing ok. But it’s not the best?
I know I have felt like that. It’s particularly hard when you have a young family where your kids don’t sleep so well, or your older kids need extra support or you to drive them to their activities. There’s just no time together. And when you do have time together, well it just feels hollow. You’re exhausted. He’s exhausted. You watch some Netflix together, and you scroll on your phone at the same time. Together but apart. You’re getting lonelier and lonelier and you can feel the distance. Couples who are overrun by stress and fail to talk about it with each other see their level of emotional attraction drop (which leads to a decrease in sex and intimacy), and their relationships suffer.
A marriage in this state of stress is incredibly common, particularly when you are in your 30’s and 40’s. Where you are still very much in ‘build’ phase. You need to build a home, a family, a career, a retirement plan, a community to belong to. On one hand you are both working super well as a team, you’re hitting your goals! On the other, there’s nothing in left in the tank that is allocated to you or your partner. The good news is that there are simple ways to reconnect whilst you are in the trenches of parenthood and the ‘build’ stage of life.
Here is an EASY way you can start to rebuild this oh-so-important connection. The first step is all about when you reunite. When you see your partner again at the end of the day, share a hug and a kiss that lasts at *least* six seconds. The six-second kiss is a ritual of connection that is worth coming home to. Afterwards, have a stress-reducing conversation for at least 20 minutes. What is a ‘stress-reducing’ conversation? Well it’s about debriefing your day, and only talking about stress *outside* your relationship. This is NOT the time to discuss areas of conflict between the two of you, or point fingers of blame. It’s also not the time to instruct your partner on how to fix the problems they’re facing. It’s an opportunity to support each other emotionally regarding other areas in your lives. Always remember: First seek to understand, then and only then, offer advice.
I know these conversations don’t centre on your relationship, BUT they will directly improve it. They allow you to connect on an intimate level. How? Emotional attraction (and therefore the beginnings of sexual attraction) grows when you feel your partner is in your corner. When they are listening to you and wanting to know about your day. They are respecting you, accepting your perspective and expressing genuine care. This act of communication is a hallmark of a relationship that is thriving.
How do you connect with your partner?
One last thing:
I'm delighted to let you know I've been working on something behind the scenes that I'll be sharing with you shortly. BUT in the meantime, I'd like to invite you to join my new Facebook Group "The Art of Thriving Relationships and Flourishing Kids".
Join a like-minded community of women who want more out of life. For us, this means:
• Looking in the mirror and feeling love for yourself, your body and your life
• Knowing your parenting decisions are made from a stable and thoughtful platform
• Being comfortable and able to hold and enforce boundaries with respect
• Enjoying alone time with your partner much, much, much more
• Resolving conflict without losing control, so that everyone feels heard and understood
• Reigniting your marriage, the one you want. The one that feels uplifting and a source of comfort and strength
• The end of fighting with your husband, where you both feel unheard and unsupported
• A closer connection with your kids and the people who mean the most
• Living with an overall sense of well-being
You’ve lived the alternative. Now it’s time to learn how to live your dream.
Join my FREE Facebook community of like-minded women who are coming together to share their stories and discover solutions to correcting imbalanced relationships, no matter whether it’s the relationship you hold with yourself, your partner or your kids. This is where relationships thrive and children flourish.
CLICK HERE TO JOIN THIS FREE Facebook GROUP:
Looking forward to welcoming you in my new space, don't worry though, this ol' blog will still be open and active.
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